Realising who I am, not who I should be.
Until very recently I had been comparing myself to other people and to an imaginary creation of who I felt I should be. I looked at stylised photographs and read gushing captions on social media and felt that my life was inferior. I am now realising that I put too much energy into thinking about things that I felt I should be doing and focusing on what I felt I was lacking. I felt bad when I had a day resting in my pyjamas or if I spent a day watching trashy tv. I was always thinking that I should be doing something else and would not allow myself to enjoy the moment. I decided to come off of social media as I was constantly checking to see what others were doing. I changed my Instagram to only follow people that I found life-enhancing. I realised that it wasn’t other people I was trying to prove I was living my life to but myself. I was stopping myself from enjoying the moment by inventing an idealised view of who I thought I should be.
The benefits of finding my own kind of happy.
By taking a step back I realise most of the photos on social media are snapshots of people’s lives that have been carefully selected. When I stopped comparing myself then I actually started enjoying what I could do. Some days that isn’t very much, it might just be resting in bed whilst listening to a podcast but I no longer compare to what I think I should be doing. I started thinking about what makes me happy and for me, that is being creative. I joined the Sewing and Knitting group on this site and I started to crochet again. I find crochet relaxing as I just concentrate on what I am making. I became inspired by the ideas in the group and was excited to try them out. I know I have an illness and I get extremely tired and that my life looks different to what I had envisioned or to what others experience but this does not mean that my life is of any less value.
Believing what you do is wonderful, no matter how small.
As the TIREDGIRLS say it is about building your own kind of happy. I may have days where I am unable to go out due to my illness but I am now letting myself enjoy watching trashy tv or live in the moment curled up in bed with my dog. I can watch the recommendations from the Netflix group on this site. I am unable to spend a day gardening but my partner bought me some primroses and on a good day we planted them and looking at them makes me smile. I used to think I only work part-time, I should be doing more but now I am actually proud of what I do. I find it difficult to manage events in the evening but I have booked to go and see a comedian who makes me laugh as I can take a week off to recover afterward. I am learning to see the positives in what I can do.
Recognising my own greatness changed everything.
With my partner, I am unable to have children and I have struggled with this comparing myself to a perfect image of motherhood on social media. Now I see that I am just as worthwhile as these images as I make a difference to others every day that I never appreciated before. I am a kind friend who others trust with their problems, I am caring and understanding in my job, helping students with disabilities, I am a loving and patient owner of an anxious rescue dog, I am a thoughtful daughter and a supportive partner. I know I will have bad days but there are so many more positive ones when I stop comparing myself.
Every day I am building my own kind of happy.